By Inês Mália Sarmento
When I was born, I didn’t know my name.
On the day I was born
I heard a voice
that was not mine.
On the first day
of my short
given life,
I didn’t walk
because I didn’t know
how to.
The second day,
as easy as the first,
I didn’t talk
because I didn’t feel
like it.
3rd day, still
no expectations
were upon me,
because
they didn’t know me
and I
didn’t know myself.
For two ENTIRE
decades
ignorance
covered my
Embryonic Crip Self, I
didn’t know anything
but everybody complained;
my old life
wanted a say in,
everything I’d do,
I told her
“that’s not gonna work”
but it didn’t care
it kept on going
it kept on crying
of disappointment
of injustice
of not knowing
where it belonged.
My child self
had something to say
how is this possible?
where do I come from?
I don’t see anyone
like myself?
If they exist
they are nowhere
to be found.
But I know
I’m something,
SOMETHING
I wrote that down
a hundred million times.
Putting things into boxes
helped no one, yet
I saw everyone arguing
“what do you call yourself?”
“I don’t know my name.”
Who am I?
Disabled, they say
disabled I called,
it didn’t feel right
until Brianne*
put dynamic in it.
When I was born
I didn’t know myself,
but now I know my name,
lost
I am not
anymore.
Inês Mália Sarmento
*Reference : Brianne Benness created the term Dynamically Disabled. There will be a post on this website about this topic soon.
This poem illustrates my journey finding who I was and figuring out my place in the Disabled community. It took time, many doubtful feelings and conflicting emotions, but I am here and now I know I am Dynamically Disabled.
[Image Description: A self-portrait of Inês in black and white. Inês is a Portuguese woman. She stares with a heavy gaze at the camera. She has her right hand stretched out in front of her face, it is covering her left eye, the tip of her nose and the left side of her lips. Her nails are painted with black nail polish. Her curly hair hangs loose at shoulder length.]
Inês Mália Sarmento